Hau'oli Makahiki Hou!

Yeah...saying Happy New Year in Hawai'ian is as close as I'm getting to Hawai'i for New Year's. I'm actually going to be heading out to a ski resort in NJ to hang out with friends, Champagne and a hot tub. Really nothin' better than that.

Except, of course, for Waikiki Beach, rainbows, friends, Champagne and a hot tub...

Sproingy Bouncy Things

I have two cats. When they are not harassing one another, eating, sleeping or doing something that ends in me yelling at them, they get bored. So I got them one of those sproingy bouncy things that hooks over the door and has a catnip-filled mouse dangling tantalizingly at the end of the string. The dumber of my two cats loves this thing. He will play with it for up to a half hour at a time (which is a long time in Cat World). I imagine he would even play longer were it not for one small problem...

Sometimes the mouse bounces to the other side of the door.

Now, the smarter of the two beasts would figure out the mouse was currently positioned at a 350 degree angle and go to the other side. But the dumb one sits down quietly and looks expectantly at the door because OBVIOUSLY the mouse will be returning soon and he doesn't want to miss it. I watched him sit there for about 3 minutes yesterday before I shook my head in parental exasperation and moved the mouse back to its starting point.

I love my cat, but he is a complete airhead when it comes to thinking things through. Fortunately for him, he's utterly gorgeous and affectionate, so it's impossible to stay upset when he does something stupid or annoying. He DOES always know when to come through with the purrs and kisses and cuddling. Maybe he can teach my next boyfriend that secret.

Ho Ho Ho!

To make up for my recent cynicism (I'm only so jaded because I'm a true romantic...Freud's opinions on "melancholia" live on!), I'm going Happy Holiday and tossing in some lovely pictorial representations of the Best of the Season.

Mele Kalikimaka to all!

Quote for December 24th

"And I thought the barracuda with brain worms was insane!"

Verifiable Truth for December 23rd

"Anything that CALLS itself a hat IS NOT a hat!"

 

I recently discovered I'm in love with John Rzeznik

For those of you who have no idea who he is, he's the lead singer of The Goo Goo Dolls. Don't ask me where they came up with that name...it certainly wouldn't have been my choice...unless I were drunk or on painkillers, but it stars the very hot Rzeznik, and that's good enough for me! (He will have to give up the cigarettes before our relationship gets too serious, however.)

P.S. Apparently if you spell check a post containing the word "painkillers," you are offered "binuclear" as an alternative possibility. Ummm...yeah...that's what I meant...

Early morning ramblings

My cat, Phizz, woke me up at 5:30 this morning because apparently HE had decided that it was time for breakfast. His sister, Daphne, stood idly by, ready to go back to napping or get her kitty num-nums...whichever offer came first.

I was able to ignore The Beast for a while longer, but it's pretty hard to pretend there isn't a cat who decides that grooming you is the next best thing to eating breakfast. He can be kind of dumb, but he's not stupid. Within 11 minutes he had me out of bed and feeding both of them Dick Van Patten's (I lie to you not) Natural Balance Turkey and Giblets.

So I'm now wide awake and surfing the Internet Super Highway. And I've come across a few favorite things to make fun of (mainly involving the ever infamous "Hello Kitty" character).

P.S. Although I sneer at Hello Kitty herself (yup, she's female), I am desperately in love with My Melody, a weird little rabbit with a red hat. I even signed up this morning for a new e-mail address ending in "mymelody.com". I am so pumped.

A trip down 80's girl toy lane

I don't know how much this costs...or even where I found it...but I simply MUST own this chair!!! It's so "you can take the girl out of the trailer park..."!




If you're looking to spend $1,200 on a diamond watch, why not try this one? (Better hurry...only one left on the website!)

It even comes in red!




Now I can talk on My Hello Kitty bumblebee phone (the antenna and wings light up when a call comes in!)



...and make a sammich...



...and crimp my hair with a picture of Hello Kitty...





...all whilst I watch my Hello Kitty TV!

ONLY FOR YOU LUCKY CINGULAR CUSTOMERS! For under $100, you, too, can have this stylish Hello Kitty cell phone! (Nokia, I'm embarrassed that you made this thing.)

If you're in the market for a 3 MP digital camera for someone of the girlie variety, you might want to waste close to $250 on this little gem!

For you cheap bastards, this one is only about $99.

I am so pleased to have discovered that Hello Kitty and I can make milkshakes together!

That crazy Kat...now she wants to be a rocker. She's had more incarnations than Barbie!

For those of you who are too butch for the pink Hello Kitty guitar, it is also available in black.

For those of you who are too butch even for the BLACK Hello Kitty guitar, here is the Badtz Maru version. He looks sufficiently dark and sinister enough for any heavy metal love song.

And last, but not least...Monchichi, Monchichi, oh so soft and cuddly! With his thumb in his mouth he's really sweet! Fun to wiggle his tiny feet!

Okay, I don't remember the rest, but these were way wicked popular when I was but a mere slip of a girl in H.S.

I only had one...a clip-on (hair, knapsack, whatever)...but believe it or not, I still have that damn thing. And I know right where it is, too! (No, I will not tell. There may be some greedy Monchichi collector out there just waiting with baited breath for the answer to the riddle of The Last Monchichi!)

This morning's sites of personal interest (be prepared for the inane and the serious)

"Who ARE you?!"
"I'm Batman..."
http://uncleodiescollectibles.com/html_lib/batman/00001.html

My love, my heart, my handle...buy all 4 DVDs!!!
http://www.advfilms.com/titles/milkchan/

Forget Jelly Bellys. I suggest the Gimbals mixed gourmet jelly beans. They taste better and have fewer weird flavors to weed out. (Ha ha...I said "weed"!)
http://gimbalscandy.com/

And all these new flavors go very nicely with jelly beans...
http://bacardi.com/flash_site/flash_site.aspx?new_locale_id=1&new_promo_site=us

You know you want your personal horoscope delivered to you every day!
http://www.astrology.com/

A grassroots cause worth getting involved in...an opinion espoused by a chick who isn't into "joining"
http://bullybusters.org/

A brilliant place for looking up encyclopedic-type stuff...donation to same made by chick who rarely donates to any foundation that isn't well recognized...
http://wikipedia.org/


And last, but not least, In the spirit of the holidays, rescuing an unwanted pet is a wonderful idea...but only if you are ready for the responsibility!
http://www.petfinder.com/

Today's Hot Link

Sorry for the repetitive anatomy theme these days...but who can pass up a site called "Butt Ugly Decor "?

I'm rethinking the Marty Chia Pet thing

http://www.getodd.com/news/hamhock/71599h/71599h.html

 

 

 

For those of you wonder what I'd like for Xmas

I'm into the whole "12 Days of" thing, so here's my list...

12 Chia Martys

11 Urine B Gones

10 Smoking Roaches

9 Drunken Babies

8 Lo-Tech Lo-Jacks

7 Doggie Hoodies

6 Burger King babes

5 Finger Vibes

4 Flatulina CDs

3 Centerpiece Gourmets

2 Cupcake Crack Houses

And a Christmas Palm Tree

The Coolest Creepy Thing I've Seen in Awhile

It's important that you understand that I have a slightly unusual view of the world for a chick. I have wanted to be a forensic scientist since the first time I saw "Quincy, M.E."...waaaaay before all this "Cold Case Files" and "CSI" and "Forensic Files" and FBI profilers and such not came along. So there are a lot of things I think are cool that other girls think are "ewww...gross!" This would be one of those things...




I can't wait to get tickets.
http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/
P.S. Believe it or not, I also love the Three Stooges. I'm the only XX I know who does!

And I have even less to say about this...

Punk Poseurs

Saw the saddest, most amusing thing Wednesday night.

I'm hanging around the West 4th Street subway station waiting for the C or E train to show up, and this couple walks by me (actually, they walked directly in front of me...a bad move had I shifted position, as they would have found themselves on the train tracks). They stop about two feet from me, allowing me close inspection of their ensembles.

I've seen enough British punk rockers (and punk rocker wannabes) to know what they are supposed to look like:

This guy had the skinny pants and the funky boots and the studded leather jacket - haristyle was totally lame...didn't even stick up the way the J. Crew set wears BedHead with their cute little obnoxious spikes - but the coup de grace was this:

I actually had to Photoshop (yes, Photoshop is officially a verb) the studs onto the fanny pack because never before nor since have I EVER seen a studded fanny pack. Nor would I ever expect to...especially on a guy who wants to pretend he's a Brit Punker.

The fanny pack was so fascinating that the girlfriend paled in comparison and I don't even remember what she was wearing except I was certain that she could have tried a little harder.

While searching for pix of real punks, I came across this which is adorable and disturbing at the same time, so I need to share:

Call me old-fashioned, but I can't think of any occasion that would compel me to shave half my child's head and dye the rest of it with red Kool-Aid.