Funny thing happened to me on the way to JPMorgan

Remember about ten days ago when I was heading out to what I considered to be a thoroughly unnecessary interview with JPMorgan before I was subjected to two weeks of training? Well, I talked to my agent, Henry, a couple of hours before the interview (they deemed it necessary to further intrude on my life by upping the time of my 'view by a half hour), and he told me the names of the guys I was meeting with - Mark Myslinski and Tony Ngyuen. I'm thinking to myself, "Mark Myslinski? Why does that name sound so familiar?" It's weird to me that I recognize the moniker because I have a mind like a steel sieve. And now it starts to bug me that I can't remember why I know this name.

So I ruminate on it for the next few hours. I ruminate and I cogitate and I contemplate, I mull over, I muse, I noodle, I ponder and I reflect.

And as I'm about to leave the office to head over to 200-something Park Avenue, it finally comes to mind...

When I was a supervisor at my last job, I totally fired Mark Myslinski.

Now, you have to understand that I was pretty sure I didn't really want this job, so instead of freaking out like a lot of people would have done (or I would have done had I truly needed the gig), I thought it was hilarious. I wondered if this whole thing was an elaborate charade to get me into the office to attempt to embarrass or humiliate me. Which would have been stupid and a waste of time anyway, since it takes a lot to embarrass me. In fact, I probably would have humiliated him more by reminding him in front of his co-worker that he was fired for being a rude mf'er.

Anyways, I'm already committed to this thing and I'm curious to see how it will play out, so I go to see Mark and Tony.

I meet with Tony first for a few minutes, and then Mark walks in, shakes my hand, says it's nice to meet me and sits down. We then do the classic interview b.s. and about 15-20 minutes into it, Mark FINALLY takes a hard look at my resume and ask, "Did we work together at XYZ investment bank?" I smiled innocently and nearly talk over the end of his question in my eagerness to say, "Yes, I think we did. Your name sounded familiar."

I suppose to be fair I must admit that he had apparently lost the rudeness, because he sat through the next 5-10 minutes of our meeting and shook my hand with a "nice seeing you again" on the way out. I was totally bummed out that he didn't spaz or turn into back into an ass. I was missing out on cash money to be there, and I at least expected a little entertainment for my lost dollars.

The next day I called Henry and told him the story, including the backstory. He was concerned that I had blurted out the fact that Mark and I had history. (Dude, I'm a lawyer! I know how to keep my mouth shut!) We had a good laugh after that, and I had an even better laugh after he expressed his opinion that Mark wouldn't remember me or that it wouldn't matter because we wouldn't be working the same shift. Mark was an ass, but I never said he was stupid...he was eventually going to remember.

Eventually turned out to be the next day. Henry sounded so sorrowful when he called to tell me that I hadn't been picked to go into the training program. Apparently Mark's reason was, "We worked together before and she isn't very pleasant to work with." Well, when somebody fires you, I suppose it isn't very pleasant! I liked his attempt to rationalize without getting sued, but I was annoyed because it isn't at all true. I am WAY fun to work with. Ask anyone (besides Mark, of course) who has ever had the pleasure.

So that's that story. As my punishment for firing Mark, I am working a kick-ass fun job at a medical education company in the graphics department. I also make $6 an hour more than I would have at JP (cheap b*astards!) I get to be around a lot of talented people who know how to have a good time while they work, and I get to wear jeans and come in late when I'm not needed first thing in the morning. I totally slept until 10:40 this morning and arrived at 11:30 (I'm supposed to start at 9:30) and nobody yelled at me for having overslept. I've been very good and productive for most of the day, and I actually am done with lunch and have to get back to creating some templates to simplify the workflow for the marketing department.

So this is me signing off for now. Ciao!

Just one question...

Why the hell are there so goddamn many of them???

Sexy is as sexy does...

Sexy = wearing jeans to work and putting money in your bank account at the same time
Not Sexy = working 40+ hours in three days

Sexy = losing six pounds in one week (Picture to come soon? Perhaps!)
Not Sexy = working so much that you don't go to the gym for a week and a half

Sexy = flirting shamelessly with boys 15 years your junior (preferably while they are wearing nothing but swim shorts)
Not Sexy = eating an entire bag of Skittles and calling it a meal

Justin may have a few more bonus points than me (seeing as how I'm operating on an even scale at this point), but he doesn't put in half as much effort as I do!

Move over, Justin Timberlake...I'M bringing Sexy Back!

Fear Not, Gentle Readers, I have not abandoned you during my quest to find either a job or an agent. It's just been quite a chore, leaving me with no energy to blog.

Sad, isn't it?

But there is good news! I found meself not one, but TWO agents whose lives are dedicated to putting $$$ in my pocket. Well, maybe not entirely dedicated to me, but enough so that I can go with the flow.

This week finds me, almost ONE YEAR TO THE DAY, back in the workforce. As I remembered, it generally bites ass. Too many people, too many bad moods (mine included), too many yawns, too few hours to get in a full day's work and a full day's play. But the pay is good, and I get free soda and hot chocolate, so it isn't a total wash. Of course, I've given up soda since I started counting calories (yes, I actually do, and I do it on-line @ www.calorie-count.com.) I'm down six pounds since last Monday, so I guess it's working. That number may be reduced to five pounds when my body realizes that I slipped up bad last night and indulged in an entire bag of Sour Jelly Bellys. It wasn't my fault. I'd had a really long day, I was tired and cranky, I wanted something that would make me feel better, and I have an absolute addiction to Sour Jelly Bellys. The plan was just to eat a few to comfort me. And that's how it started. Then I got wrapped up in working on a website design and I kept nibbling and the next thing I knew it was 4:00 AM and the bag was empty and I only had three hours to sleep.

Ooops.

So here I am today, still tired, still cranky, still craving Sour Jelly Bellys (I seriously am addicted to them), and no end in sight. After I get out of here (I'm working at an ad agency specializing in pharmaceuticals this week, and no, they won't give me any free samples...I asked), I have to go to an interview at JPMorgan for somewhere in the neighborhood of an hour. Why do I need to go to JPMorgan to interview? I don't really know. I went and took their stupid Desktop Publishing test so that they can see that I am imminently qualified to make pretty pictures in PowerPoint, and I passed with flying colors, so what else do they need from me? They're going to put me in a room with a bunch of other Creatures of the Night and have us make pretty pictures in PowerPoint. Exactly what could they POSSIBLY have to talk to me about for an hour? But it gets better...next week I start a TWO WEEK TRAINING PROGRAM for them. Admittedly, I don't know what the training consists of, but if it's anything like the test they gave me, they're wasting my time and theirs. I have to blow off a week-long trip to Montauk that I've been planning since January so that I can do this training. Upside, it's paid training. Downside, it's paying me at least $7/hour less than I'm worth, un-JPMorgan trained, on the open market. But I've got no one to blame but myself. Next time I give up on the corporate world, I will have freelance gigs on tap so that I don't burn through every penny I have (which is a bad thing)

Okay, I'm officially exhausted. I'm going to feed myself some salad and try not to fall asleep. Something about not paying me for naptime...

Best...Music Video...Ever...