Funny thing happened to me on the way to JPMorgan

Remember about ten days ago when I was heading out to what I considered to be a thoroughly unnecessary interview with JPMorgan before I was subjected to two weeks of training? Well, I talked to my agent, Henry, a couple of hours before the interview (they deemed it necessary to further intrude on my life by upping the time of my 'view by a half hour), and he told me the names of the guys I was meeting with - Mark Myslinski and Tony Ngyuen. I'm thinking to myself, "Mark Myslinski? Why does that name sound so familiar?" It's weird to me that I recognize the moniker because I have a mind like a steel sieve. And now it starts to bug me that I can't remember why I know this name.

So I ruminate on it for the next few hours. I ruminate and I cogitate and I contemplate, I mull over, I muse, I noodle, I ponder and I reflect.

And as I'm about to leave the office to head over to 200-something Park Avenue, it finally comes to mind...

When I was a supervisor at my last job, I totally fired Mark Myslinski.

Now, you have to understand that I was pretty sure I didn't really want this job, so instead of freaking out like a lot of people would have done (or I would have done had I truly needed the gig), I thought it was hilarious. I wondered if this whole thing was an elaborate charade to get me into the office to attempt to embarrass or humiliate me. Which would have been stupid and a waste of time anyway, since it takes a lot to embarrass me. In fact, I probably would have humiliated him more by reminding him in front of his co-worker that he was fired for being a rude mf'er.

Anyways, I'm already committed to this thing and I'm curious to see how it will play out, so I go to see Mark and Tony.

I meet with Tony first for a few minutes, and then Mark walks in, shakes my hand, says it's nice to meet me and sits down. We then do the classic interview b.s. and about 15-20 minutes into it, Mark FINALLY takes a hard look at my resume and ask, "Did we work together at XYZ investment bank?" I smiled innocently and nearly talk over the end of his question in my eagerness to say, "Yes, I think we did. Your name sounded familiar."

I suppose to be fair I must admit that he had apparently lost the rudeness, because he sat through the next 5-10 minutes of our meeting and shook my hand with a "nice seeing you again" on the way out. I was totally bummed out that he didn't spaz or turn into back into an ass. I was missing out on cash money to be there, and I at least expected a little entertainment for my lost dollars.

The next day I called Henry and told him the story, including the backstory. He was concerned that I had blurted out the fact that Mark and I had history. (Dude, I'm a lawyer! I know how to keep my mouth shut!) We had a good laugh after that, and I had an even better laugh after he expressed his opinion that Mark wouldn't remember me or that it wouldn't matter because we wouldn't be working the same shift. Mark was an ass, but I never said he was stupid...he was eventually going to remember.

Eventually turned out to be the next day. Henry sounded so sorrowful when he called to tell me that I hadn't been picked to go into the training program. Apparently Mark's reason was, "We worked together before and she isn't very pleasant to work with." Well, when somebody fires you, I suppose it isn't very pleasant! I liked his attempt to rationalize without getting sued, but I was annoyed because it isn't at all true. I am WAY fun to work with. Ask anyone (besides Mark, of course) who has ever had the pleasure.

So that's that story. As my punishment for firing Mark, I am working a kick-ass fun job at a medical education company in the graphics department. I also make $6 an hour more than I would have at JP (cheap b*astards!) I get to be around a lot of talented people who know how to have a good time while they work, and I get to wear jeans and come in late when I'm not needed first thing in the morning. I totally slept until 10:40 this morning and arrived at 11:30 (I'm supposed to start at 9:30) and nobody yelled at me for having overslept. I've been very good and productive for most of the day, and I actually am done with lunch and have to get back to creating some templates to simplify the workflow for the marketing department.

So this is me signing off for now. Ciao!