*cough cough

Stand and recognize, people...I have been sick since Sunday night, and I am invoking my right to be pathetic and obnoxious and force people to pretend to feel sorry for me.

In case just being sick isn't good enough, I also had my final exam in International Estate Planning on Tuesday. I was in full throttle suffering at that point, literally falling asleep while sitting upright. So I'm hoping for a "B" instead of the "A" a clear mind would have gotten me. Nothing like trying to create the Mona Lisa out of oatmeal, I always say.

Okay, I'm lying. I've never said that before now. But you can't hold it against me...I'm sick.

I picked up this bug on my way back from Long Island this weekend. I was out there doing the godmother thing for my goddaughter's First Communion. Don't ask me for details on anything except the after-party or the impressive wad of cash the Munchkin racked up. I'm not the slightest bit Catholic and I don't know anything about the rites or rituals other than what I've seen in movies.

But the party was fun.

My goddaughter's family (Mom, Dad, three short people and Grandpa) just moved into a bigger house with a ginormous backyard and a pool. It was too chilly to get into the pool (darn the luck), but it's not like I don't know where they live when the days get warmer. In the meantime I will just have to put up with the indoor pool at Equinox.

Being Irish, they know how to pour a good drink, and I'm blaming that for nodding off at the table during appetizers. Fortunately it wasn't a formal sit-down event (we were hanging out on the back patio and meandering aimlessly about the yard), so only about 10 or 20 people even noticed. No one mentioned me snoring (so I'm hoping I didn't), but I was apparently trying to catch some flies...mouth being hung in the "open" position and all. After I got some much needed snoozing in, I partook of shrimp cocktail, stuffed mushrooms and mozzarella sticks. Yes, I made a complete pig of myself, but it kept me from falling asleep again.

Once it got too cold to sit outside, I moved into the kitchen and whipped out my Int'l Estate Planning notes and did a little studying. I say a little because I can be a very social creature and people kept stopping to talk to me. And I hate to study. So I used the "any port in a storm" defense and had the most interesting conversations with a variety of people.

The Communion Girl spent most of the time running in and out of the house in her pretty white dress until she got bored with that and changed into normal clothes. I figured my godmother duties had pretty much ended when we left the church, so I declined to pursue her other than to take a few pictures. To the best of my knowledge, there is only one picture of the two of us together. She wanted to cut her cake and therefore refused to smile while she was being photographed. So that's the memory she'll have of me when she remembers her special day. Just as well...I caught a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror and realized that photos of me wouldn't have been particularly flattering.

From 9:43 PM until 11:02 PM, I was stuck on the LIRR with recycled air conditioning and plenty of opportunity to encourage creepy crawly bacterium to attack my stressed out immune system. By the time I got to Penn Station, I had a bitchkitty of a sore throat. By the time I woke up the next morning, I had the razors-in-the-throat cough, the mush for brains, the sneezing and itchy nose and the Sad Sack demeanor. I've spent most of the past five days unconscious with my cats lounging with me on the bed (not a sign of love and devotion...they just wanted to make sure I didn't forget to feed them when I woke up). Unfortunately, I am between boyfriends and my mother lives in Westchester, so there was no one to wait on me hand and foot or listen to me whine (thus comes your role in this drama).

I'm actually feeling much better (although I still have the itchy nose and the occasional sneeze), so your obligation to care about me has now officially come to an end. Unless, of course, you have an overwhelming desire to continue to be concerned about my well-being (*cough cough sniffle sniffle). Flowers and cards are always appreciated, but cold, hard cash really helps the ole vim and vitality come back in a rush!