Hogan Knows Best

Yup. The gym again.

HKB isn't the riveting drool-inducer that Surreal Life is...it's definitely more of a momentary, "Hey! Look at that! It's that Hulk Hogan guy from TV wrestling!" I wasn't even moved to unplug myself from my CD player and plug into the TV sound, so I sort-of-watched part of an episode without benefit of closed captioning and while listening to hip hop.

I was able, however, to surmise a few things:

(1) Hulk's wife, Linda, is far more into him than he's into her. She never stopped touching him, trying to kiss on him or staring adoringly at him. He looked uncomfortable with the whole thing, and was obviously returning her affection only because she was forcing herself down his throat. Not something I would want immemorialized on film, but then I'm not married to a TV wrestler, so what do I know?

You can also tell from the picture that son Nick is a typical 15 year old who hates being around his family and daughter Brooke is a photo 'ho.

(2) The Hulkster does NOT like to be ridiculed. Despite her cloying adoration, Linda can be a little mean, too. As an anniversary project, she wanted the two of them to take ballroom dancing lessons. Hulk (very graciously, I thought) agreed to go to the local Arthur Murray studio. He was an absolute mess on the dance floor. More looking exceedingly uncomfortable. Instead of being sensitive to this, Linda decided to make fun of his technique. In a new signature move, the Hulkster ditched her on the dance floor and walked out.

(3) Hollywood Hulk Hogan can be a class act. He knows how to send roses to make up after a fight. He also knows how to make a bandanna look snappy with a tuxedo.

(4) Hulkamania doesn't stop with the Hulk...it extends to his daughter, Brooke's singing career. The Hulk knows what it takes to make it in show biz. And he's not ashamed to pimp out his daughter to get her a record deal. He doesn't like the idea of her having a boyfriend, but he's okay with taking her out in public dressed only in underwear.

(5) Brooke isn't nearly as busty as her mother. But she's a way bigger picture 'ho. And she's Daddy's Little Girl.

(6) People who can afford good furniture and good taste don't always buy it. The house is a gorgeous Tudor. Hulk obviously has some cash. But he didn't spend it inside. At least I hope he didn't. I know it can cost a lot of money to look tacky, but I'm going to go with "Linda didn't think she needed a designer. She decorated the whole place herself. I gave her unlimited credit at the nearest Target and Kohl's. You, too, can fix up your place to look just like the Hogan's house!"