This job hunting thing sucks eggs

Apparently nobody got the memo that I'm ready to start working again ergo I will be entertaining offers beginning immediately. It then struck me that I'm far too busy and important to sit around worrying about these things (after all, I have to beat my high score in Free Cell, complete the daily NY Times crossword puzzle, and go to the gym to discover the latest in bad TV). After much mulling and ruminating, I figured out the solution:

I need an Agent.

Not one of those fake "agents" like they pimp at Monster.com and other job boards which are nothing more than glorified database searches, but a real live honest-to-goodness Agent like all the movie stars in Hollywood have. An Agent like...Jerry McGuire.

I totally need some guy whose livelihood depends on getting me the best deal possible. In order for HIS 10% to matter, MY 100% definitely needs to matter. And that works out well for everyone involved, so it can't be a bad thing.

Problem is, the Agents apparently didn't get their memo, either, as I have yet to receive any resumes or phone calls inquiring about the position. And, as we know, I'm much too important to sit around worrying about whether or not people are getting their memos.

Damn. I think that means I have to hire an Agent to find me an Agent...