This supersedes everything, including my gallbladder

Last night I discovered that there are stranger things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy.

Cue the Rock-Paper-Scissors League Championship.

Yes, Rock-Paper-Scissors. The same game you probably played as a child. Only now it's played in front of a national TV audience and worth $50K if you win. $50K, dude...that's more than a lot of people make in a year. And all you have to do is cover Rock with Paper or crush Scissors with Rock or cut Paper with Scissors two times out of three and you're golden.

All this time I've been WORKING for a living. I've totally been getting robbed and I didn't even know it. A&E knew it. They televised the event live from Vegas, baby. Budweiser knew. They had their logos for Bud Light all over the place. The schmoes who were in the contest knew it. They were there firing off their various hand gestures. But somehow no one remembered to send ME the memo. Or any of the memos for the multitudinous unsuspected ways to make money. Like professional sport juggling. Or professional volleyball. Or professional hot dog eating. Or professional video game playing. Or professional paintball.

I've always heard "Do what you love, the money will follow," but I had no idea that included eating pie. I must confess, I'm a little bitter. I wasted so many years going to school and getting a law degree when all I had to do was sit around grooming my beasties and entering them in cat shows. Sure there's some traveling involved in any of these endeavors, but I like going to new places...and for fifty grand a pop, I'm willing to get on a plane.

So my latest endeavor is to make a profession of finding out about all these weird little ways to make scads of cash. I will be putting my full powers to bear on this task. I will make new e-pals. I will end up on dozens of e-lists. I will get to the bottom of this.

And best of all, I will share. No more shall we walk in the shadow of ignorance. Your right to spin a yo-yo for fun AND profit will be assured.