Cat Rental Options

I've realized that my cats have reached that point where the love, comfort and companionship they provide me with is outweighed by the cost of caring for them. They fail to appreciate the sacrifices I make for them. They fail to be minions OR henchmen. I can't have that kind of disloyalty in my organization. Changes need to be made. Costs need to be cut. Income needs to increase.

I have therefore made the executive decision to rent out the cats to recoup some of my losses. Qualifications are as follows:

Princess Daphne Laurel



Education: Streets of NJ for 6 weeks; Suburbs of Westchester for 8 months; NYC for 2 years

Skills: Preening; Staring at non-existent objects long enough to make the humans look around wondering what it is I see that they don't; Overeating; Mewling piteously when I don't get my way; Hanging out in the bathtub for no good reason; Chewing on elastic or rubber bands

Current Job: Beating up Phizz

Rates:
Preening: $60/hr.
Staring: $30/hr.
Overeating: $40/hr.
Pitiful mewling: $20/hr.
Bathtub sitting: $40/hr.
Chewing on elastic: $20/hr.
Beating up other cats: Free with $50 purchase

Charles Philosopher Civet ("Phizz")

Education: Streets of Harlem; Foster Home; SMC's apartment

Skills: Yowling; Galloping around the apartment; Chewing on electrical cords; Staring out the window; Playing with the sproingy bouncy thing at 2 AM; Overeating; Lounging; Getting into general mischief; Giving kisses to everyone and rubbing my face against theirs; Snuggling

Current Job: Doing Daphne's bidding

Rates:
Yowling: $100/hr.
Galloping: $80/hr.
Chewing on cords: $20/hr.
Staring: $30/hr.
Sproingy Bouncy Thing play: $30/hr. ($50/hr. between 9 AM and 1:59 AM)
Overeating: $60/hr.
Lounging: $20/hr.
General mischief: $20/hr.
Kisses and love rubs: $50/hr.
Snuggling: Free with purchase of kisses and love rubs
Doing Daphne's bidding: Priceless