This is what passes for hit music these days

For those of you not in the know, a group called The Black Eyed Peas has been making the rounds of late and getting a lot of A-list coverage. Their lead songstress, a very attractive, nubile, young lady named Fergie, apparently pulled a lot of notice, and had fans clamoring for a solo album.

So she made one.

It's called "The Dutchess" (no relation) and it released September 19th. However, the first single off the album "London Bridge" has been hitting the airwaves since July. I heard it once about a month or so ago, and I disliked it immensely. The tempo of the singing is awkward compared to the background music, so although I like the beat, I can't dance to it.

Seeing a poster yesterday announcing the release of the album prompted me to seek out the lyrics and find out exactly what Fergie was trying to tell me, and the rest of the world, about her London Bridge.

This is what she got paid millions of $$$ to record and perform:

[Paulo] Fergie Ferg, what's up, baby?

When I come to the club, step aside.
Part the seas, don’t be havin' me in the line.
V.I.P., ‘cause you know I gotta shine.
I’m Fergie Ferg, and me love you long time

All my girls get down on the floor,
Back to back, drop it down real low.
I’m such a lady, but I’m dancing like a ho,
‘Cause you know I don’t give a fuck, so here we go!

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

Now As the drinks start pouring,
And my speech start slurring,
Everybody start looking real good.

Grey Goose got your girl feeling loose.
Now I’m wishin’ that I didn’t wear these shoes. (I hate heels)
It’s like every time I get up on the dew,
Paparazzi put my business in the news.

And I’m like get up out my face, (oh shit)
'fore I turn around and spray your ass with mace. (oh shit)
My lips make you wanna have a taste. (oh shit)
You got that? I got the bass.

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

Aah, da, da, da, da, do, do, do, do
Me like a bullet type, you know they comin' right
Fergie love 'em long time
My girls support right?
Aah, da, da, da, da, do, do, do, do
Me like a bullet type you know they comin' right
Fergie love 'em long time
My girls support right?

When I come to the club, step aside.
Pop the seats, don’t be hatin' me in the line.
V.I.P., ‘cause you know I gotta shine.
I’m Fergie Ferg, me love you long time

All my girls get down on the floor,
Back to back, drop it down real low.
I’m such a lady, but I’m dancing like a ho, ‘
'Cause you know I don’t give a fuck, so here we go!

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

How come every time you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, wanna go down like,
London, London, London, we goin’ down like…

Fuck you, bitches.
Oh shit (oh shit)
Oh shit (oh shit)
Oh shit (oh shit)

Are you ready for this?
Oh shit (oh shit)
Ohhhhh
It’s me, Fergie
The Pimp!

Remember GOOD dance songs like "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" and "Tainted Love" and "Flashdance"? Songs that inspired you to "get up, get up and get busy, c'mon and move that body" but didn't require you to race to the stereo to turn the music off before your parents caught an earful of the lyrics. Songs that didn't make you feel like you had to "dance like a ho" because you didn't "give a fuck". Songs that didn't add to the overall attitude problem of the average teenager. Songs that you would be okay hearing your 8-year old sister sing in public.

Don't get me wrong...I listen to a lot of music with questionable lyrics, and I occasionally dance like I was raised by ferrets (what with all the twisting and turning and moving in unexpected and inexplicable ways and whatnot), but I am (unfortunately) an adult. I am old enough not to be swayed to emulate the sirens of pop culture. I am old enough to say, "Whoa! Hold up! Leave a little something to the imagination!" or "You know, shooting cops really isn't the best way to express your outrage at being oppressed by The Man." I am also old enough to be in a room by myself and turn red at hearing some of the words in my favorite dance tunes.

For me - now - it's truly about the music, the beat, the rhythm...it's not about trying to find an identity to try on, to find something to stand behind, to find my place in an overwhelmingly large, and excruciatingly small, world - anymore. We have really failed the up-and-coming generations. We have robbed our children of their childhood by flooding them with images and concepts they haven't yet learned how to interpret, and then blame them for responding (or responding "inappropriately") to. We are doing a serious injustice to them, and to ourselves, because these are the children who will one day, very soon, be running the country and the world.

And, as cute as she is, I do not want the likes of "Fergie Ferg" in the Oval Office.

So what's the answer? I guess it all falls back on the people it always should...the family. And included in that definition of family is the extended biological, as well as community personage. It has become a hackneyed cliché at this point, but the underlying message is still very true...it does take a village to raise a child. Adults have a responsibility to the miniature versions running around...not just to see that they are fed and clothed and have roof over their heads, but to insure that they are safe, educated in academics and life, made to feel loved and important, and most of all, that they are taught to think for themselves (my mother would be so proud to hear me say that).

I don't have any children myself, but that doesn't let me off the hook. I have two nephews, a goddaughter and her younger brother and sister. I owe it to each one of them to teach by example, to talk through issues that might make me uncomfortable to discuss, but are important for them to know and understand, and to let them know that they can come to me not only with good news, but with any problems as well.

And even though they are grown up, I still have a duty to each of my younger siblings to share with them my experiences and do my best to help them make good choices along the way, and also be a shoulder to lean on when needed. And my family owes me and them (sounds odd, but I believe it is grammatically correct) the same thing. As I often say, if we all do a little, we can accomplish a lot.

So my mission is clear. I plan to spend the rest of this week educating my winglings on the perils of watching any shows on VH-1 or videos on YouTube, MTV or MTV2, the danger of having bags of Sour Jelly Bellys in the house, and how NOT to dress like a Pussycat Doll (or date someone who does).

(And if anyone can teach me how to keep my hands off a hot 20-year old until he turns 21, it's your responsibility to come forward and school me!)