If I were not a well-known aficionado of bad TV, I would be embarrassed to admit this...

***Much to my deep dismay (and annoyance), I'm having another one of those Blogger incidents wherein my pictures will not upload. Hopefully the problem will be resolved shortly and the pix that NEED to accompany this piece will be added forthwith. In the meantime, I'm afraid you will just have to use a little imagination...or head over to VH1.com. I apologize for the inconvenience...even if Blogger doesn't.***


At the casual suggestion of one of my many little sisters, I tuned into "Flavor of Love 2" last week.

Talk about a train wreck.

Chugging along in the footsteps of ABC's "The Bachelor", "Flavor of Love 2" has a houseful of women (who apparently can't find men in the real world to date) competing for the attention and affections of one man.

Three problems with this:

(a) The bachelor is the once somewhat-known rapper, Flavor Flav (originally a member of Public Enemy), who is most assuredly NOT someone I would go to the time and trouble of leaving behind the comforts of home to go and attempt to make fall for me;

(2) Unlike any other "reality dating" show, Our Man Flav gets to go through another group of chicks because the woman he chose first time around was more into her subsequent notoriety than into Flav himself (oh sh*t! Really? I can't imagine why!); and

(D) These apparently desperate women are required (probably just as well) to be code named. I don't know if the names are suggested and they pick from a list or whether they are assigned names or if they make them up themselves, but here is a sampling: Krazy, Eyez, Buckwild, Buckeey, Spunkeey, H-Town, Payshyntz, Toastee and Wire. (For myself, I wouldn't get too close to anyone named "Wire". I'd take "Krazy" any day of the week over that!)

Going by the VH1 "Character Bios", there seems to be a theme of bi-sexuality and incontinence underlying the group dynamic. Several of them have or want to hook up with a girl, and way too many of them have peed or pooped on themselves in public.

Hmmm...maybe that's why they can't get a man in the real world.

Aside from all these women gettin' all up in Flav's grill (and Flav taking mad advantage of it), I couldn't figure out exactly what was going on or how contestants were being picked to stay or go. I did get the exciting episode, though, where super-duper psycho ghetto bitch, New York, from Season 1 (boo hiss for being associated with my state) was asked by Flav to return to the mansion and help him decide who would be the next shorty riding the rails out of town.

That went over like a lead balloon. New York has serious psychological issues revolving around rage, jealousy, low self-esteem and inflated sense of importance (yes, it is possible to have both). Her favorite thing to do is antagonize people to the point of half a step before a catfight erupts (I believe last season a few actually broke out). This, of course, is done when it's "just the girls"...when Flav shows up, it's a different story. When confronted by the chicks in front of The Flav Man about the fight narrowly avoided just 5 minutes beforehand, the bitch actually burst into tears when Flav asked her why she would say (insert whatever she said here). "I'm just here for you, Flav! I'm trying to be a good friend and help you because you asked me to!" And promptly ran outside.

Of course she was followed and her tears were died away with affectionate kisses. Bleech!

But out of all the madness, my personal favorite decision was when Flav decided that as much as he liked her, Nibblz could never be his woman because she has a webcam in her home and pole dances on the Internet. Flav has kids, you know, and he can't have them be exposed to that sort of thing.

WHAAAAAAAA????

I'm sorry, are you not the man who is on his SECOND batch of booty-giving females, making out with them, hanging out in the hot tub naked with them, touching them in places you shouldn't touch someone you don't know very well ON NATIONAL TELEVISION? This crap is being TAPED, dawg! If Nibblz took down her camera today, it's likely no one would ever see footage of her pole dancing days ever again! Can you spell "hypocrite"?

(Although on this show, it would probably be spelled more like "hippokreeyt".)

"Flavor of Love 2" airs Sunday nights at 10 PM on VH1...home of (used-to-be and never-were) celeb(s)reality.

Check it.